1001 things you don't say during sex

1001 things you don't say during sex

  1. You woke me up for that?
  2. Did I mention the video camera?
  3. You sound exactly like your mom.
  4. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead.
  5. Try breathing through your nose.
  6. A little rug burn never hurt anybody.
  7. Long kisses clog my sinuses.
  8. Honey, did you lock the back door?
  9. (in a motel) Hurry up. This room rents by the hour.
  10. Can you please pass me the remote control?
  11. Do you accept visa?
  12. And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend.
  13. No really... I better do this part myself.
  14. I thought YOU had the keys for the hand cuffs.
  15. Hope you're as well looking when I'm sober.
  16. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo.
  17. Do you get any premium movie channels?
  18. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
  19. Got any penicillin?
  20. I want a baby!
  21. So much for fulfillment of sexual phantasies.
  22. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
  23. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
  24. I think you have it on backwards.
  25. Smile! You're on Candid Camera!
  26. Did you smell something burning?
  27. Did I tell you Aunt Dorothy died in this bed?
  28. When is this supposed to feel good?
  29. You're good enough to do this for a living.
  30. I wish we got the Playboy channel.
  31. Did I remember to take the pill?
  32. I told you this wouldn't work without batteries.
  33. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
  34. You're almost as good as my ex.
  35. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
  36. With training you could do that a lot longer.
  37. You look younger than you feel.
  38. Does your husband owe a sewed-off shotgun?
  39. What tampon?
  40. Have you ever considered liposuccion?
  41. But everybody looks funny naked!
  42. When was your last Aids testing?
  43. How long is "now-now" going to last?
  44. I have a confession...
  45. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
  46. I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a duck home!
  47. Quiet! My mom sleeps next door.
  48. I think I'm out of condoms.
  49. Are those real or am I just behind times?
  50. Did I mention my transsexual surgery?
  51. He: Maybe it would help if I thought about something I really like.
    She: Yourself?
  52. He: This is your first time... right?
    She: Yeah... today.
  53. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Darkovan Inquirer".
  54. A surgeon could take care of that in no time!
  55. You mean you're NOT my blind date?
  56. Done!
  57. That was it. Gimmy the Kleenex.